Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Bitter But Oh So Sweet

I've discovered something this past week as I have been enduring this never-ending cold. I assert that the value of cold medicine can be measured by how horrific it tastes. No really, hear me out.

Heartbreaker #1
I started out last week with a full bag of Halls Mentho-lyptus Tropical Fruit cough drops which have a fruity taste with that menthol aftertaste that helps you remember you are still eating a cough drop. But they still taste pretty decent in comparison to the other lozenges on the market and for that reason, I believe they are less effective. I was sitting in English Language yesterday morning with a horrible tickle in my throat that made it impossible to stop coughing. I had not 1 but 2 of these fruity cough drops in my mouth and I spent the entire class period trying to hold back my cough as I tried not to notice the dirty looks of my classmates. I finally had to leave class to take a water break for fear of losing one or both of my lungs. Those cough drops failed me in my time of need and are therefore dead to me.

Refreshingly disgusting
After a miserable day of coughing and whispering the word "death" to myself over and over again, I was ready to invest in a different kind of medication. I went to Smith's that night with my roommates to go grocery shopping and as I stood in the cold medicine aisle, I assessed the different varieties of cough drops. Which one sounds the most disgusting and has the most horrible flavor. Fruit Breezers can hardly be classified as cough drops; I'm still waiting for them to finally own up and begin to sell them next to the lifesavers in the candy aisle. Finally, I found the Halls Mentho-lyptus cough drops. No flavor. No measly attempt to make cough drops delicious. They are so gross. I love them!

The same is true of liquid cold medicine. After one too many sleepless nights spent coughing into my pillow and stressing over different conjugations of verbs in French, I broke down and got some Day and Night cold medicine. The Night medicine is a strange metallic green that reminds me of nuclear waste and tastes like death. I hate the taste; I dance around my room making overdramatic faces and promising my roommate that I will surely die from it and then I fall asleep peacefully 3 minutes later. There is a connection here, my friends! Nasty medicine actually cures your cold while tasteless or, even worse, delicious medicine brings nothing but pessimism and crushed dreams.


Rosanne Bailey said...

I love your blog! And you have all the facts right! :) Now if you will just add in the nasal rinse, you won't get sick anymore!

Hannah said...

"Those cough drops failed me in my time of need and are therefore dead to me."

best. quote. ever.

you are awesome!